Alone again, naturally

There was an old song, "alone again, naturally":
Alone again, naturally
Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn�t understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

This song is on my mind today. Mom and dad are gone. Mark's in NY, Jamie went back to school, Jeff is at work. Here I am, alone again naturally.
Gotta find a way to be happy on my own.

Today just sucked

What a rotten day.

That is all.

Why are we Americans not thought well of?

I have a few European friends as well as a few from other cultures.
They say to me that their poor view of American people is due to obnoxious tourists who are loud, intrusive, largely overweight, wear horrible "loud" clothing and are just plain rude. I cannot argue with that view as I have seen this type of person myself. Just take a look at that "people of Walmart" web site and see for yourself. Yikes.
They also form opinions based on the TV shows that are imported to their countries.
Look at the shameful things they send over.
Why do many of the TV shows have to be "naughty" in order to be entertaining nowadays? So, if you see a movie or show that depicts people as low class, with bad morale behaviour, violent, swearing all the time, etc. what will you think of the society? We appear shallow and I think we are, in general.
I think we need to take a long serious look at what we portray ourselves to be to other countries. I am certainly not proud of my country. I don't think other countries envy us at all, I think they are disgusted.
There are many things to be proud of here in the USA, but we are not putting our best foot forward and showing other societies what we are truly like, sadly. I think we need to work on this.

Lucky

I'm lucky.
I have a wonderful husband and two great kids.
I even have two very sweet cats.
I have a cabin up on a lake that I love.
Lucky?
Why am I sad sometimes?
I feel like life is slipping by and I have not accomplished what I should have.
What is it that would make life complete?
There really isn't anything wrong that I can pinpoint.
Sadness.

Fed up, are you?

Can we realistically return to the times of our founding fathers? The recent Tea Party movement has brought fourth this question. People have been brought to the streets asking, begging our politicians to listen.

The times of the 1700s have gone by and a great deal of things have changed. Some of those changes are progress, good and some are not.
But, as far as the basic foundations our country was founded upon, my answer is a big and hopeful YES we can! But, that is not an Obama "yes we can", please. (he ruined that phrase for me, but it works here)
Yes, we are still entitled to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Yes, we have a beautiful constitution and a great system, but we need to know this system and follow it.
We have allowed congress and the senate to deviate and "interpret" and we have allowed those who are now being referred to as "progressives" in both parties to make some changes that are just not right for this country.
We need to take the government's hand out of our pockets and be allowed to keep more of what we earn. We need a fine tuned and smaller government and we need more honesty and integrity demonstrated by those who are elected. We need to hold them accountable and we need term limits. They are not elite, they need to stop being treated like they are and they need to be humble people. Since when does being elected to a DC post entitle a person to private jets, private gyms, private elevators (are they too elite to even take an elevator with the rest?). How much of your money is being spent on their perks?
In other words, we need to take the trash (both parties) out of Washington DC. We need to take back our country and remind these people who live like kings that we are the boss, not them. Time has gone by since 1776 but the basics are there for a "more perfect union" and I feel deep in my heart that we are on the verge of a revolution and that we will make it happen. The people are ready and the people are disgusted. We the people have to vote and vote more wisely and be more informed than ever before, it is out duty.
It's taken a decade or more of bad presidents, crooks in various elected positions, etc. to open our eyes and it is not just one party, it's both. Time for we the people to show our concern, desire and to have done right by us. I lose sleep at night over what a mess this country is in. Do you?
Please take the time to study the candidates and do not be one of those people with a "short memory" and do get out and vote this November. I suggest to you all that we must vote out all incumbents and bring fresh attitude and convictions to our leadership. Our country is in turmoil and you must treat your own vote as if it were the only vote to be cast.

Crashing down

Things are out of control. I have far too many commitments and not enough hours in the day. I need a blizzard. God, please send me a blizzard so I can stay home and not have to go anywhere and get all my stuff done! Pretty please?
So much for that bargaining, God is too busy to heed those desires of mine. What I need to do it make a list, prioritize and get my ass in gear.
No sympathy, no whining, just move.

For everything there is a season

An old song is on my mind today. For everything there is a season, it was derived from the bible and I like the verse.
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late


So, why is this song important? Well, for me it means a new season of work and health. Yesterday, after all the company left, the entertaining and birthdays over with.... I got back on my treadmill. I wrote out a menu of eating to follow for this entire week. I have a plan. I shall not falter. Like the song says, I time to gain and a time to lose. I shall lose, but it will be a good loss.

I swear it's not too late. : )

crap

What a lousy couple of days. My son had a medical emergency and ended up in the hospital the night before last. Having company over the weekend and there is a great deal that needs to be done. All the things that were supposed to be done on time for today are, you guesed it, not done.
Oh yeah. Today is my birthday. Big f-in deal.
Time to clean the toilets, that's what people do on their birthday, right? : )
Don't mean to sound so down. But, the world doesn't stop for your birthday. Dishes, laundry, taking care of a sick 22 year old (who I love and don't mind doing that for, of course) and all the other stuff shall prevent me from going to my quilt group that I usually go to on Thursdays.
No time, much to do, I'm a big girl and when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

sleep eludes me

Last week or so, sleep has sucked. No sleep = headaches, achy, dull

Do I resort to drugs of some sort to help this or do I keep hoping my natural body rhythms will take over?

Do I like this?

Well, it's been a few weeks and I am evaluating. Is having a blog worth anything to me or am I spinning my wheels and wasting my time?
I don't really know, I guess.
Am I saying anything that is worthwhile. No one reads this, so what is the point?
No point?
But, I am not apt to broadcast my thoughts around to anyone else as I am uncomfortable.
Would I offend someone?
Would they not like me as much if they knew what I was really thinking?
Would my thoughts be boring?

No answers, just questions.

unemployed people

Some people who are unemployed are legitimately trying to find work, they put all their energy into this endeavor. I wish them well and I have no problem if people like this get help from our government. Their perseverance will pay off and they will ultimately find something.
I also know that these people will ultimately settle for something making a bit less and re-channel their dreams (even temporarily) to deal with the times. They have true American spirit and are admirable folks going through a bit of a hard patch.
What angers me is the type that won't "settle". I saw a person interviewed on TV a few days ago who moved in with their parents and said that they have "given up" and won't settle on something that will diminish their superior education. The have moved out of an apartment and kept their car, mooched off mom and dad (who probably are near retirement and need to save) and have "given up their search" until times are better.
Well, that is well and good, but let's face it, there are people with a PhD in this economy working at gas stations and convenience stores to put food on the table. They moonlight driving school buses, they clean houses, they babysit, they do anything they can do to get by, even selling valuable possessions, homes, etc. This kind of superiority does not earn points with employers who like to see someone "hit the ground running" and be resourceful. It is perfectly acceptable to try something new and different during these times. Work at McDonalds, clean toilets, be proud to do an honest day's work for your pay. Seek opportunity where ever you are, if you are shelling out fries at McDonalds, good workers do get promoted to shift supervisors and then managers. At least TRY.
I know another person who infuriates me. She was let go from her employer for performance issues. She wasn't doing what they needed her to accomplish. She is a marketing professional and she should be using that education to market herself. What is she doing? For near two years, she's been collecting unemployment and what she is doing with her time is "enjoying long walks with the dog", shopping for antiques, travelling (via airplanes that I can't afford to go on) to visit friends across the country in NC from CA and having quilting retreats. I see remarks like "life is good". Well, we are paying her way so her life is very good, indeed.
Her divorce is pending and she will get a settlement from this, she will buy a house and she is leaning on the soon to be X for support on top of her unemployment. So, this man is going to be saddled with her support when she is perfectly cable of finding something, anything, to keep off the unemployment roster.
Does this sound like people we should be supporting with our tax dollars?
I beg to differ.
I think I should go find a job and get myself fired or laid off and then collect unemployment so I can fly on airplanes and visit long-distance friends and go on quilting retreats at expensive places while everyone else picks up the tab. Yup, sounds good to me.
Let's all sit back and not take the initiative to strive to be better, self supporting.
I get angry as I see that near 40% of the money my husband works so very hard for and sacrifices so much of his life for is taken in taxes and people like those, above, and worse sit back and feel justified.
Where is the justice?
Again, I do not begrudge a single soul who is legitimately looking for a job, hurting, elderly, incapacitated, but I am just pissed. Pissed is the only word I can think of.

Catching up day

Wow, sorting through all the clutter in this house is a real pain. I have no idea how things can get so messy. I need to do a better job. I hate clutter. I hate disorganization.
I spent nearly an hour, in panic, trying to find something I really needed to get my hand on today and it was out of place. I was annoyed with myself. I have to have a place for everything and everything in it's place.
I'm feeling my age, sadly. Aging sucks. I forget things. I want to be invigorated and vibrant. I want to have all the facts and figures and locations of stuff in my head and I do not anymore. I don't trust my memory. (slight tear....)
Where did the years go?
55 in 10 days, that really sounds so old.
Have I done everything I wanted to do with my life? Have I readied myself for the future?
Am I in good shape physically? No, no, no.
Well, Linda, get off your ass and move.

Monday, a new beginning

Said this new beginning stuff before, but I hope to do it better today.
The new beginning is not as much about weight watchers (soooooo boring) but about exercise. I will get on the treadmill for 20 minutes 4 times this week. I will. I will!
Glad the coffee hour thing at church is over and done with for the year. You only have one time per year that you are assigned to do this. I learned a few things, met a few people and I'm done.
Glad to be home today with nothing on my calendar until 7:00 pm this evening. Catch up time, relaxing time. Will save grocery shopping for tomorrow and just basque in a day to just be me and breath.

A busy day, glad it's over

I did coffee hour at church this morning, came home, had lunch, got dishes done and provided the family with a turkey dinner. Just finished all the clean up. Have been on my feet almost all day. Stomach has been upset, back bothering me, I made it though.
I'm so glad that there is nothing on the calendar until 7:00 pm tomorrow evening.
I need a break.

oh no

procrastination is a bad thing.
Time to get to work on stuff and here I am.
Why can't I be motivated to get my work done?

project

Well, the Gold Star Mom raffle quilt is well under way. It sure is taking up tons of my time and organizational skills.
I'm not sure I like this project and hope to not have anything like it again.
How frustrating.
I did learn how to make a pdf file out of quilt block instructions today after an hour and a half of frustration. Then, so many of the people that I sent emails to wrote their email addresses on the sign up sheet at the quilt guild illegibly. Grrrrrrrr..... how irritating. I've had to phone people to clarify and am unable to get to some of them.
I had 36 people to send emails to and had to type in all their addresses. What a pain.
Once I get this going, it might be ok.
I'm so busy this week I really don't need this.
Had to bake all afternoon for the coffee hour at church on Sunday.
My Brother's Keeper and Art Class tomorrow. I am glad I have the art class as I need to relax and unwind a bit. I'm so busy, I should skip it, but I will go and perhaps the relaxation will do me good?

Inspired?

I read a posting made by another person named Linda on a weight loss yahoo group I am part of. Lately, I've not been reading it and have just been deleting it. Silly me? I've just had this blah attitude about weight loss and this one posting drew me back to where I would like to be.

It's daunting to have 20+ pounds to lose. Yeah, everyone says "you look fine" and technically I believe I look OK too, but OK isn't looking good is it? Just OK? Hmmmm..... I can do better than this. It's also not about looking good, it's more than that. I have a big birthday coming. For some reason this particular birthday (55) is bothering me. I turned 30, 40, 50 and kept saying to myself, no big deal. You are as old as you feel, right? But, damn. 15 year from now (and time sure goes quickly) I'll be 70. Crap.

So, what do people when threatened with their own mortality? They have to face it and do whatever they can do to hang on to health for as long as possible.

I don't want to be my mom with regard to aging. When she reached a certain age, she kind of gave up doing things. She'd say things like, "Oh, I don't feel up to coming over to the lake". She'd sit at home, watch TV and do absolutely NOTHING. Dad would want to go out and she would tell him to go without her, finally. Dad loved life and I am so sad that cancer took him when he had so much more life to live. Mom was kind of like a ticking time bomb with her high blood pressure and things of that nature.

What causes people to lose their gusto and health earlier than they ought to? Weight. Weight makes blood pressure rise. Weight adds risk to diabetes and certainly to most forms of cancer. So, do I want to live another 20+ years or do I want to be gone in 10 or 12 years? I know the answer to this.

While I am at it, I sure wish my husband would finally quit smoking as I'd like to be with him during his retirement years and do the travelling we always have wanted to do. This time of year, I'd like to be somewhere warm and be active and enjoying things. That won't happen if he continues this way, but each time I mention it, he gets angry. He sees it as nagging, I see it as wanting him to live long.

At any rate, today is going to be a day where I start to make an effort again and get back on that weight loss bandwagon. It's my fault if I do not at least try.

on their own....

You cannot live your kid's life for them. You can give them the best upbringing you possibly can and then when they are on their own, you just have to hope that all is well.
It's so hard to love them so much and want to be there for them, but you just can't be.
They grow up and have to fend for themselves.
I can pray, at least.
Other than that, a very boring day. We sorted through our bills, files, etc. in preparation for starting our taxes. Taxes are boring, but you gotta do 'em.

sometimes...

Sometimes people just piss you off.
Sometimes some people can be inconsiderate and just plain mean.

'nuf said on that subject, I guess

quilting

Today I had all my family home and it's a good day for "nesting". It's 2.7 degrees out and not a day to wander around in the world, I think.
So, what is a girl to do? Quilting!
I am back to working on Dear Jane quilt blocks, exchanging with Marilyn and Kathy from my Thursday quilt group.
I blew it and got very discouraged with my first group of 3 blocks, L4. L4, you are my nemesis. But, with Kathy's help, I think I now have it tackled. I have to paper piece small sections and then paper piece them into the entire paper pieced block.
Sounds complex, but I think it will save me and keep me accurate.
These little buggers are sure challenging.
I'm falling behind, though. Kathy is a quilting fiend and she is very very fast. So, I must find time to work.
It's good to make time to sew and quilt, I have not been doing much of that lately and have been favoring being on line on yahoo answers. YA is addictive and I don't know if I really am resolving the world's problems by being there. I can never really solve the world's problems, can I? Though, I am a firm believer in the "one person can make a difference" thing. If we all sit back and do nothing, then we are part of the problem. I need to be part of the solution.
But, there are quilts to be made and I need to be at peace.

I am haunted by the music that accompanies the photos of the Boscawen Veteran's Cemetery. Why? They are beautiful songs, to be sure, but I can't stop thinking them.
I couldn't sleep last night....

I can't seem to post the links here for future reference.
Oh well.

Sadness surrounds me today, but I shall get past it.

Haiti

Today's email inbox inclued several requests for money for Haiti. I've given 5 times already to various organizations.
I'm wondering how to deal with the continual requests. We are not rich. I want to help and have helped. It's gotten down to personal appeals from friends and family now. It's hard to hurt feelings.
I just wonder. I wonder what others are doing and how they handle this stuff? $5.00 to each one of them as you can't spend hundreds on each? Or, just ignore them and consider that you have already donated several times already?
Or, start my own fundraiser and tell them about it and see if they will donate to mine? That could be interesting.

what makes and artist famous

I just saw someone on Twitter make glowing remarks about a famous painting. I must say that I looked at the link/photo and was unimpressed. Heck, my stuff is better than that.
I've sold 3 paintings so far. Wonder what it takes to get people to notice?
I've not figured it out yet for sure.
I'm not giving up, but I would just love to know what these famous people did to get noticed.

a day in the life

well, today i decided it would be fun to write in all lower case. not sure why but it seems like an interesting way. two cats are by my side, silent and stoic. they enjoy the desk lamp as the light bulb throws off a bit of heat, i guess?
daughter seems to be surviving college for now. will meet her this afternoon briefly, to give her more stuff to bring back to school. trying to think of a special present from mom that will make her smile and think of home or at least be comforted. nothing much comes to mind.
ah, thoughts leap ahead to feb.8th where i am sharing coffee hour at church with two other unknown people. one must arrive early, make coffee, put out snacks and be there to clean up afterwards. have never worked in this kitchen before, do not know where a thing is and have to feed probably 100 - 160 people, depending on the attendance that day. could be "interesting".
today, i will make one batch of cookies or brownies to freeze, so i can get started.
by the way, i do not like typing in lower case.

Monday, a new beginning

I actually like Mondays. Some people just don't get that it represents a clean slate. It is a fresh start. Jamie is now delivered at school. Mark on his way to NYC and Jeff leaving shortly for college and then working this evening.
Nothing to stand in my way. Time to deal with weight watchers.
Make a plan, stick with it. Eat healthy. There is no one to distract me during the week from this objective. There is also no one to keep me from exercising and getting certain things accomplished that I want to do, like sewing, when I am by myself.
I can be my own best friend, though at times it is a lonely thing.
I keep busy, I have activities.
Today is art class morning, always a happy day. : )

they do grow up

We brought our youngest, Jamie, to college and left her today. It's a big, bad world out there and I know she is scared. It's going to take awhile to make new friends for her, but she can do it.
Up in the middle of the night, sour stomach. Could be the college food I ingested at noontime? Hope her stomach is not acting up like mine, that would truly suck.

The sad part about buying a computer printer that you want to print art type of prints on is that you can't try before you buy to see the quality of print.
Just making an observation.

validation

Today's presidential approval rating showed that 55% disapprove. Finally people are getting it. I find myself wondering what took so long.
I find myself also wondering what is taking the remaining 45% as long as this to understand.
I worry. I really worry about that 45%, are they blind sheep? I guess so.

moving along...

Today I have made plans to hold a Home of the Brave Quilt project workshop in Henniker NH at Quilted Threads. How convenient that this quilt shop is right in the same town that Jamie will be going to college in. Kills two birds with one stone. I'll be getting a workshop done, meeting people and accomplishing a good thing and then will take her to dinner all in one day.
It feels good to be making plans and getting things accomplished.
I think, including this evening, that about 4 quilts will go out this week.
I am fast approaching that light at the end of the tunnel and perhaps I might actually be caught up at some point in time.
I couldn't do it with the help of so many caring people. They are wonderful.

Being a cat

What a nice life Grover and Salem have. They are in a climate controlled environment. Usually as I type on the computer, one of them cuddles on my lap. Grover cuddles during my breakfast and they have nice, soft beds. Food is presented each day, with regularity, they do nothing to get this. They are caressed and cooed to and loved throughout the day.
Ah, to be a cat.
No responsibilities, loving care, nice home with great windows that get sun at various times of day to languish in, treats each day, no one speaks a harsh word.
Sounds good to me?
Let's all think like a cat today. I'm ready for my nap and maybe if I am lucky someone will rub my neck?

Today is day 1

I have no idea what to blog about. So, will just chat with myself.
Today is the anniversary of my mother's death. 4 years ago today. What a shock that was, she suddenly dropped dead and it ripped the rug out from under me. She was my best friend.
It was 4 months and 6 days after my dad died. At least we anticipated that he was going to die, though it was very difficult.
I never got to day goodbye to her.
Goodbye mom. I miss you. I love you.