On this day, September 11th, I reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly. It was a rough day for us all. I swear I still have PTSD and this anniversary hurts my soul. It may always be this way, so poignant, so dreadful, so intense. On this day the very ugliness of humanity was evident. Yet, in the day there were shining glories, people who selflessly did things for strangers. I personally hugged a woman I didn't know at a gas station.... I was crying, so was she. We were both panicked, filling up our gas tanks in case we had to flee. We only knew that our gas tanks needed to be full so we could move out if we needed to go. How scary that was. I remember people in my life, like my parents, who have since passed on and how upsetting this was for them. Mom reflected on Pearl Harbor Day and how this day brought forth similar feelings. My parents were concerned for us and our country, the same as I was. Oh how I wish they were still here so I could talk to them today. It's funny how I started writing all the time each morning as "therapy" and as I write this it dawns on me that I write, at times, as I don't have my truly wonderful parents to talk to anymore. Does this take the place of that? I must examine that. Some days when I write, it's more of a diary and other days I pour out my heart. It's exactly like my conversations with mom and dad might have been, in a way. I just miss them so very much. Let us remember, respect, and try to get along on this day. One of the things that saddens me the most is that we had opportunity after 9/11. That opportunity was for us to unite and do a better job getting along. President Bush's popularity, after 9/11, soared to 86% for awhile. We united behind our leadership, we worked and there truly was teamwork. I appreciated that. That gave me hope. At a time when our country is so divided, I am ashamed of people's lack of unity, of their hateful behavior towards one another. We can do better. We should all look at how we were and how awful we've become. I'm not saying everyone has to approve of our president, either, what I am saying is that respect has gone out the window. I don't say hateful things about other politicians, not in my party, openly in public forums. My vote is what I use to approve or disapprove. I have that right, thankfully, and I fiercely want to protect that right. I think respect has gone out the window and it saddens me. Don't like what I'm doing, well, scream louder and say awful things. Yup, what a world. I was recently, in a way, "happy" to know that it's not only our country that is this way. A woman in Australia filed a law suit against her neighbors as they grilled meet and it offended her. That was not enough so a huge group of people are now having a massive BBQ outside the woman's home to further offend and taunt her. What a world. She was wrong to file the law suit and the hate these people are showing with this massive protest BBQ is equally offensive. So, it's not only in our country, it's in other places too. Respect is a good thing, we all should try it sometime. I also think we could reflect on why other people, such as al-qaeda hate(d) us. I still refuse to capitalize their name, they don't deserve it. I still can't get past their "need" to kill people and I would imagine they still would very much like to do so. I shall never understand it, no religion should ever condone killing of innocent people. If they think everyone should follow their religion, or be killed, why not promote that religion as a good thing and try to convert people vs. hate and killing? Of course, that is my own Christian ideology show through, I guess? I don't get the hate and killing, I just don't. I do think our former president Obama tried to deflect some of the hate of our country, and to get along better. Yet, his apologies and efforts did not seem to be effective in the long run. He recognized the hate, and tried, at least. That is something I respected him for. I don't always agree with his decisions but I truly think he wanted to be the peacemaker. I wish he had done a better job fostering internal peace in our country as we grew more divided under his leadership and since then have gotten even more divided, if that is at all possible. Our present president is not at all trying to make our relationships better with other countries, in my opinion. It's an our country first thing with him and I totally get it and why, but I wish we had a happy medium between this and the last president. Maybe we'll do better next time around? We keep trying to get it right. So far, not so much. The hate of Americans is hard to define and we are who we are has lots to do with it, it's not just our leaders that define us. I also think we citizens need to recognize that we are powerful and with that power, we create enemies. We could do lots better as to how our nation is perceived and how we behave "in public". I've read articles on American tourists and how offensive their behavior can be to others. We all could be more respectful, cautious, and put thought into how we portray ourselves. Even the TV and movies we export are pretty disgusting, violent and overly sexual. Is that who we are as a nation? Well, for some of us, yes. Not for me. I used to think there needed to be a way for other people and countries to get to know the real people of America and not the politicians and Hollywood portrayal. We are not at all like those movies and tv shows, not at all like the hateful politicians I have grown to despise. Nope. They don't truly know us at all, but we are a diverse nation and maybe they do know us better than I think? How sad if I am the one who has my head in the sand and think "we" are not at all like people think? Yet, people want to come here even if we are offensive to some, and the illegal immigration problems continue and this "hated" country is more desirable than ever. I've often thought about immigrating elsewhere, truth be told. Yet, I have family, a home, connections and don't quite know where we'd go. Is anyplace better? I don't know, but this sure isn't an ideal place for me. I do love my country, but the conflict and what we are going through hurts my soul. We fight among ourselves about how to handle it all. We are an immature nation in many ways. We can do better. We could be more loved and appreciated, we could try to reach a hand of friendship towards our enemies, both inside and outside our country. I ask for peace. I'm tired of conflict, I'm tired of violence, I'm tired of people who just plain can't get along. 9/11 is a good day to reflect upon where we were and who we are now. I'm less happy than I was prior to 9/11 in many ways with this country. I'd sure love to see big changes but we all don't agree on what those changes should be. I pray for peace. I have no real answers, just a strong desire to make things better. I hope you do as well. So, remember those who lost their lives and let us strive to be a better people, a people that deserves those lives being extinguished as part of our history. Looking back over this last 18 years since 9/11, I see a torn nation and a nation of "haters". It's time to pull up those big girl panties collectively and move forward. 9/11 should have taught us a few things and I don't quite think we learned well enough. Give peace a chance - John Lennon