I cannot resist saying one thing today. It's political in a way, but I am not trying to persuade anyone of anything in terms of beliefs. I need to vent my frustration. Now that this long investigation thing has ended, Couldn't "we", and especially the media, shut the heck up about it and find something else to talk about? As for me, I would very much like to heal this divided country. Move on, stop fighting with each other and let us be better than all this infighting. I feel like I am watching kindergartners on a playground who can't get along and I am so tired of it. NH is the best place in the world to live, I love my state, but now that the 2020 "season" is beginning, I shudder to think that our first in the nation primary state won't have time to heal it's wounds. They'll all be here, dragging us through the mud until our primary, it's all begun already. The nasty accusations and criticisms are like wounds from this 25 million dollar investigation. To top if off, it's like the results are not important, they are still screaming at each other. We may begin to heal after this hellish investigation had people at each other's throats, only to be ripped open to bleed profusely by the parade of candidates we shall "get to know" personally over the next few months. Ugh. I seriously wish for one news station to have simply news, not politics, a safe haven. Even if they had one hour a day dedicated to this purpose for the politically traumatized folks to be able to find out what is happening without being dragged through all that mud. Life could be so much happier. I do know where my remote is and where, also, the mute button is, at least. That is a life saver. I think I have political PTSD, I swear. Enough already!

So, I'm working at the Weight Watcher thing but little things like people's birthdays seem to get in the way when it comes to consistency. Stay the course, that is the key. If the horse throws you, get right back on again and move on. I'm kind of unhappy with WW later as their new program is driving me nuts. I liked the program they had 2 or 3 years ago better and I wish I had the option, with them, to go back to it. It worked for me. Yet, their phone app is the current plan and there is no way to go back to it. Certain foods are "free" foods and I am so sick of them. Eggs, chicken breast, beans, repeat, boring me to death may I say. Fruits and veggies are free and I am very glad about that, but those other foods seem to take over when you want to save up your points for dinners and eating out and stuff like that. So tired of it. So, I have been giving thought to trying out some other programs than WW as it is so confining. One does not always need a program to lose weight and keep it off, but I am one that needs structure and something to follow and it's been good for me. I did lose 35 pounds, but it is now more like 25 pounds and I'm trying so hard to hold the line and go back towards the 35 again, but boy is it ever hard. Hopefully some spring weather and getting outdoors will help. I sure wish that WW had more meetings up around this area I live in. I even gave thought to starting a group locally for people who want to meet and talk about their efforts, share successes and ideas and weigh in regularly. Having another person weigh you weekly was truly part of my success, I think. I sure wish there was a convenient day and time around here for a WW meeting. Naturally, the day there is a meeting is also the day for quilting at the church, I choose that. I also know, deep down, that no one buy me holds the silverware and is responsible for what I eat. So, with that counting as a stern lecture to myself, I vow to be a good girl today.

I keep losing things since we moved. I knew where everything in the old house was.... not so here. I vow to reorganize stuff, I guess. I waste so much time looking for things.

I am glad to say I am alive and well today. Yikes. A person who shares my name with only a g in it passed on, she was only 2 years older than me. No, not me. Glad to be here and glad to have this day ahead of me. There are other Linda Heminways out there, though some are spelled differently. It brings to mind that life is "short" and you never know when your time is up. So, work on your bucket list, my friends, and stay the course. Live life and enjoy life. You just never know. I highly recommend doing something for others to mark your presence in this world felt long after you are gone, as well. This Linda Hemingway (I looked her up out of morbid curiosity, I guess) passed the night before her own son's wedding. I wish she had been there for it and if she had to go, that is was a day afterwards. So, in case something did happen to me. I wanted to say that I am here for today, love you all, will see ya in heaven (I hope) in case I make some unexpected exit that is unplanned. You just never know. It's sobering to see an obituary with your own name on it, as I just did. It puts things in a different perspective, perhaps, as you begin a day. I plan to do an extra random act of kindness today now. I try to do stuff like that as an opportunity might arise, but I think I'll go out of my way today to do that. But, I'm planning to be around for a very long time, I'm having too much fun not to be. I'm so sorry to have read the obituary for the other Linda. I guess I have to be happier, try harder to do justice to her life too? What a shame to read such a thing. I did make me think. Sounds like she was a nicer person.

Ah. I am just struggling with my eating habits. I sure do wish there were more available Weight Watcher meetings around this area. Yet, who is responsible for my own eating, regardless of any meetings? Me. So, today, it is a "no excuses" kind of day for me, Friday or not. Ugh. I keep giving in to temptation. No one is to blame but me. A few more pounds keep creeping in, a few more and then more... What am I doing? I worked so hard for this and now I can't seem to work on it. Goals: today: exercie eat correctly and track change the mindset Every day is NOT a special occasion

blogging to reason out the sadness, the pain, the depression, the anger

Good morning. It's snowing. It's 31 degrees here in Plaistow. I view this snow as an inconvenience as I had much to do that is not going to be done today now. That's OK, I'll work on quilt guild publicity, yet again, and try to finalize some of it. It is a shame I had no volunteers to help with this job as it would have been fun to have a partner and also to lighten the load. It really is a 2 or 3 person job. I'm a committee of one and I guess I am whining a little bit here. Sorry to be whining. I just get frustrated when others do not step up and do their share in groups. It seems like about 10% of those in non-profits or churches are always the ones who step up. I'd love it if, for once, one of those who never puts themselves out for others would simply offer to take on one little chore. It is not bad when you do it, and you actually make friends. Some of the best friends I have in my life are those I worked side by side with for a good cause. These people don't know what they are missing, sadly. Oh well. One of things I was supposed to be doing was going to My Brother's Keeper and I sure need a dose of those wonderful women and their kindness today. Those people are not the type I was referring to above, they are the best and the most worthy and wonderful people who step up time and time again to help others. They are my kind of people. I long to be with them today. Do you ever feel that certain people and places are like an "island" where you are safe to be yourself and all the unkindness is like the churning and angry ocean surrounding you? Well, MBK is like that. No one in that group ever says unkind things and hurts others. They are all about the giving and the caring and devout their time to making our world better one homeless person at a time. I love that we come together from all walks of life with a simple goal of helping others. There are people in that group who did not know each other at all before coming and they are simply the best of friends now. What a reward for helping others! I continue to marvel at it. Sometimes when life is like that churned up sea and you need to find respite from it, that group is the right place to be. I can be tense, stressed, unhappy and then I go there and I leave with a new attitude. The art gallery can be like that for me as well, as I get in the zone with the art and the pain, the hurt, the sadness, wash away. Unfortunately, there are those things in our world that are hurtful, cause pain (inside pain that doesn't show on the outside) and sadness. When I think of "inside pain" I am reminded of that old Smokey Robinson song "Tears of a Clown" a song I shall listen to after I finish my thoughts. Wait a second, here is a quote from that song, it's perfect for what I was trying to say: "But don't let my glad expression Give you the wrong impression Really I'm sad, oh I'm sadder than sad" Smokey was talking about his love life, of course, but I know people who are deeply sad and they put on that smile and they walk out that door every day. The world can be a cruel place and yet we smile and we often never let people know that inside we are hurting. I admit that I am often that person. Yet, I'm trying and I try every single day to find peace. Right now I am like a turtle who needs to retreat inside her shell and I'm safe in there. I'm glad I have my shell and I'll not be watching the news today, I'll not be allowing this home sale thing to upset me, Mark is my "shell" and I am so thankful to have him. I do wish we had MY Borther's Keeper today and if the weather is not so bad, I'm going to the art gallery even if there is snow and driving slow. I need that place so badly today. As you all know there are times when I reach a boiling point with it all and find places like Facebook to be unkind places. I stick to my special friends who are not out there attacking this and that, the softer side of Facebook and the world is what I need. In fat, the softer side of the world is where this fragile and "damaged" person needs to find shelter. I admit to being damaged, but that is OK as I find my places to recover and I know who I need to spend time with to protect this very thin shell I have around me. We all need to find a place where we can retreat to and be nurtured. I look forward to finding my nurturing retreat places up near Bristol. The lake, thank God, is also a place like that for me. I've not been to the lake much since we bought this house as we have been so busy working on the house, but even knowing it is close is a comfort. I know the lay of that land, the roll of those mountains and what lies on the other side of them. The mountains, the lakes, even special trees that are things of beauty are my friends. We drive by Winona Rd. on our way to certain places and I actually speak out loud to the lake and wave longingly to it. It's there, It's close and I know. We drove by on Sunday afternoon, in fact, but did not go all the way in on the side road. It was nothing but ice. We had snow, then super cold and then it warmed up and rained and everything up there is ice. Nothing that has not been salted or sanded was sheer ice. It was beautiful and I enjoyed just driving by the lake and looking across to our little peninsula. Mark told the fish he'd be back soon and we smiled. So, today, I cannot escape to my special happy places, I'm here. I'll try to make my own happy place in this home today and find peace. I'm having a very hard time finding peace right now. But, I'll be OK and I'll keep busy. Keeping busy is helpful too. In the meantime, those who have the hurtful things to say and the critics, the angry, the inconsiderate, the rude and whatever else you can call that kind, know that I am here on my own and I have put up my own invisible shield of protection. I'm impervious to what you dish out today and I won't let it get to me. With that, I hope you find your own shield. I'll be praying for you and for me. I'll pray that people take one extra step to care and be kind today and that those who feel they must speak ill of a person they disagree with choose to count to ten and maybe try not to be quite so unkind. What a world we could have in the ones who choose to attack with words simply re-thought their actions and listened and tried to "play well with others".

Why can't people simply calm down and move on after incidents happen in our world? Why must everyone take it further than it could ever be. Something bad happens in our world and that is bad enough. Do we have to add to it all with more horrific stuff? Calling our president a racist and calling all people in his party a racist is truly bothering me. I live my life treating people the same. I voted for him and I think he is doing a very good job and I hate that these people associate him with these haters. I think it is wrong and their hate for him just never stops. It has taken on an entirely different level this week that feel like bullets going through my soul. I hate the haters. I can't be like them. Am I being like them right now? I don't think so. People get what they give to me, I give all people the same exact chance to have a little fun, make a conversation, spend a moment in time, even at the check out line in a grocery store where we are strangers to each other. I'll smile right back at you. I'm not surprised if you are a rocket scientist if you are of a certain race, nor am I surprised if you are cleaning the rest room someplace if you are my race. I'm not finding this situation in our country to be intelligent right now. We are so busy hating each other and calling people all the nasty names one can think of instead of working towards peace. I'm not a Natzi and no one I know is one and I seriously doubt our politicians are people like that eather. But one hate group takes on a stance and suddenly people are aligned with it all and it is deeply hurtful to think about. It hurts me to see people calling each other names and when they start in like that, they are just as hateful at the other people have been in my opinion. This hate gets us nowhere at all. So, what is one to do on this very day to fix things? Lay low like a turtle with my head in my shell? Get out there and do stuff that is kind? I am certain that I cannot live under a rock and I cannot fix this world, but I could make one small step I guess. I am totally disgusted. The world is not a nice place at times. I think I need to focus on my own life, my own expectations and try hard to remove the stress the hate and the pain from myself. I have no idea where or what I ought to be doing. But, it sure is not healthy for me to be on Facebook seeing other people's profiles.