I am here today and it's not one of those horribly depressed days, though I must say that I am not 100% happy for sure. I'm here because it is time to lecture myself. 1. eat healthy and get in steps even if you are busy. 2. repeat 3. clean the house 4. get stuff done and stop procrastinating

Why do I come here when I am sad? I guess it is because I just don't want to be making everyone else miserable with my whining and to write here makes me get it out of my system. I've been sad this week. Yet another Diverticulitis attack has seared me with pain. I've been so upset. I went through surgery and here I am with this again. No nuts No seeds No popcorn (on no, please not that again.....) No gluten (yup, you have done this time and time again, when will you learn?) I'm mourning again for the loss of these foods. I want my mom. Yesterday I found myself crying as I wanted her so badly. I'm going to be 62 years old tomorrow and yet I feel like a 14 year old who wants mom to fix it all for me. My own daughter is sad and needs me and I need to square my shoulders and so what others call "adulting" and it sucks as I'm the one who feels like she needs to be mothered right now. So, there you go. Suck it up. Be the grown up.

I haven't been back here in ages and from what I read about myself here, I'm a pretty depressed person, I guess. Or, I just seem to feel a need to pour out my heart when I am particularly sad and this might be a safe place to vent? Well, here I am again. It was a pretty awful day. What do you tell your friend who has brain cancer and the recent MRI they had showed their tumor is growing? What do you do when you fear they will die? You can't show that fear to your friend and you need to be positive, yet you feel the hurt, the misery and the fear so dearly and just can't wave a magic wand and make it all better. I pray and I try to do what I can. Is there hope? I sure hope so. I'm sad this evening. People can be so cruel. Why must they be so confrontational? I'm sick of people and kind of wish I could run away and hide from people. Rude and bad behavior is just wrong and the ones who are rude just do not know how awful they are being, or they could care less.

Just me

Well sometimes I try so hard to be a good person and I just annoy people. I'm sorry world that I suck so much. I interrupt and annoy I guess. I can't help myself, I guess. I'm all wound up about something and it just feels like I am going to explode at times. I'm so scared and worried about the roof and if we do have damage will we be covered and will be be able to live here. What about us, will someone get hurt, what about our family, pets, etc. Why doesn't Mark get it? We should have paid someone to shovel the roof. We truly should have.
Here we have water pouring into our bathroom and a crack along the wall and to me, that is a sure sign we might have our roof collapse and he, uncaring, went off to bed and treated me like dirt. Why am I always in the wrong? Isn't HE ever the one that is wrong? It's always me, of course it's me, he is so perfect, right? If he read this, I'd be accused of being wrong for this too, I guess, as I never do anything right. I'm a jerk, a hateful bitch who is to be mistreated and I totally suck at everything.
I just am the one stuck here worrying and scared. It's all well and good when other go off along their merry way and I'm stuck here being the one to deal with the messes.
I just want to have a peaceful day where things go well.
Everything I say and do pisses Mark off. Yet, he is certainly no angel and is so short tempered.
I want my mom. I truly wish I could get a hug from a person who understands me and unconditionally loves me. I don't think anybody loves me. I really feel so sad, alone and miserable. What if our house comes crumbling down around us and we can't even get the insurance to cover us? I'm sad. Why can't Mark understand how upset I am and be understanding and NICE.

Alone again, naturally

There was an old song, "alone again, naturally":
Alone again, naturally
Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn�t understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

This song is on my mind today. Mom and dad are gone. Mark's in NY, Jamie went back to school, Jeff is at work. Here I am, alone again naturally.
Gotta find a way to be happy on my own.

Today just sucked

What a rotten day.

That is all.

Why are we Americans not thought well of?

I have a few European friends as well as a few from other cultures.
They say to me that their poor view of American people is due to obnoxious tourists who are loud, intrusive, largely overweight, wear horrible "loud" clothing and are just plain rude. I cannot argue with that view as I have seen this type of person myself. Just take a look at that "people of Walmart" web site and see for yourself. Yikes.
They also form opinions based on the TV shows that are imported to their countries.
Look at the shameful things they send over.
Why do many of the TV shows have to be "naughty" in order to be entertaining nowadays? So, if you see a movie or show that depicts people as low class, with bad morale behaviour, violent, swearing all the time, etc. what will you think of the society? We appear shallow and I think we are, in general.
I think we need to take a long serious look at what we portray ourselves to be to other countries. I am certainly not proud of my country. I don't think other countries envy us at all, I think they are disgusted.
There are many things to be proud of here in the USA, but we are not putting our best foot forward and showing other societies what we are truly like, sadly. I think we need to work on this.